If you asked me a 10 days ago what was my status, I would say that I was in a relationship. I had a boyfriend. (Take note, HAD) back then but I was not happy at all with how the relationship was going. It seemed that after a year and a half, the relationship was good but it wasn’t getting anywhere or any better. It felt like we were in a friends – we cared about each other but that was it. I wondered for a long time, if I should still stay in this relationship or not. I was afraid that at my age of 32, I might not find someone to love me – especially with my messy background.
So, I prayed about it. I thought long and hard about it and the day before my B1G8 Retreat, N and I broke up amicably. I still care for him and will always be proud that I got to know such a brilliant man – but he wasn’t God’s Best for me and I understood that I need to let go to let God in my life.
I was sad during the first hours of the retreat knowing, thinking if I should talk to him and save the relationship. But I understood quickly that God had allowed that breakup in His perfect timing so I could recommit to him. If I was still with N, would I have committed myself fully to HIM? I don’t know.
I learned a lot during my time in B1G8 retreat. I realized through the grace and teachings of the speakers that GOD really LOVES me He paid the Price of my sin with His precious blood on the Cross. He is waiting for me to recommit my life to Him and that whatever I did- and whatever I do, He will still take me back and love me UNCONDITIONALLY and IRRATIONALLY. God is My MASTER, to serve Him is my Mission and I will patiently wait for my Mate that He is perfecting for me.
I realized that I wasn’t alone. That there were a lot of people who were my age and still are single and waiting for God’s Best. I met a beautiful model (my sister in faith) in my breakout who was still looking for her GB. I was shocked because women like her should already be taken or married. But there she was, free as a bird and searching.
She told me that I was odd. Why was I so happy and smiling when I should be depressed? She asked me how I could still be laughing after my breakup. I told her honestly that I could not cry because the breakup was the least pain that had happened to me… I felt numb and that I felt immune to crying. I gave my testimony to my breakout and they all were in awe of my story. How could I be standing after all my pain and experiences. Still GOD has saved me. I have been broken, beaten and torn but GOD still loves me. I realized as I was sharing that a broken relationship was he least of my worries.
I also understood that GOD has a bigger plan for me. He loves me so much that He is preparing the perfect Prince for me. I shared to her and my breakout as well as a few ladies this Blog by my friend Iya Santos about being God’s Princesses that blessed me a few months ago. It was so inspiring. And they were touched and we all realized that we could not sell ourselves short to settle for mediocre relationships because GOD has a much bigger and better plan for all of us.
He said it in Hebrews 11:40
New International Version (NIV)
40 since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us(A) would they be made perfect.
God is perfecting our mate. We arevGod’s Princesses and we could not settle for anything less than God’s chosen Prince for us.
Now 10 days later, I would say that I am STILL in a relationship — but with someone bigger, someone better and someone who loves me truly for me and saved me from the wretch that I am. I am in a RELATIONSHIP — I am in love with Jesus, the Lover of my Soul.
All I need to do now is like what Miss Joy said — to be the best woman I can be and to be a perfect princess for God’s chosen prince.