“God, my only God. My God one and only.
I will love God with all my HEART, Love God with ALL my MIGHT and Love God with all that I’ve GOT. “
This is my personal version of Deuteronomy 6:5 and my verse for this day, the first day of my 52 day battle to building my personal Nehemiah’s Wall. I am attempting to do a complete spiritual, physical, mental, social and creative make-over within the next 52 days which is the exact time frame that Nehemiah completed the wall of Jerusalem. I took notes from Nehemiah and did what he did. Last week, I went through a period of virtual silence – a fast and reflection of what I need to rebuild within myself for the next 52 days. Looking now at my list, it is Doable – but I really need discipline and if I succeed – no WHEN, I succeed, I know I will be a better, healthier, more confident and happier person.
What am I attempting to do?
- Deepen my Faith and Personal Relationship with God
- Lose Weight, Exercise more, be healthier
- Finish Creative Pursuits ( The Novel and several projects I need to finish)
- Socialize and Connect with friends more.
- Challenge myself more mentally.
This has to be done in 52 days and what better way to start it all off than with LOVE. Loving the Lord and doing this for the Lord is one great way to motivate myself . Loving myself and making myself better is one way to tell HIM that I am preparing myself so He could use me for His Glory. I have to give it all my heart, all my might and all I’ve got because this is truly an opportunity for me to change my life and become someone that I could be proud of and someone that is pleasing and presentable to our God.
I could say this so easily, but really, it is not so easy for me. Loving myself is one thing that I’ve failed at many times. I always say that I love myself but really, I doubt myself. I question my existence. I question my self worth. Many times, the insecurity within me – the feeling of being too fat, not pretty, not smart enough, not creative enough, and not personable enough eats me and I just go into this comfortable little shell called apathy, depression and nothingness.
I mean, it is not that I don’t feel and see myself digging further into that hole. I see it. I just don’t want to do anything about it, because I am too lazy. I am too depressed. I just don’t want to change who I am because I feel that I am not worth it. I felt that it would all be just the Same old Story. I thought that my efforts will be futile because no one cares anyway.
I was wrong, because someone does care. Someone loves us more than we could ever love Him and that is Jesus. He died on the cross for us and stretched out his arms for us. He gave up his life for us and that is more than what I could ever give back to Him.
And when I opened my eyes to that, I saw how selfish and silly I was being. I was ready to give up on myself when Jesus never gave up on me. He loved me with all His HEART, with all his MIGHT and with ALL that HE has got. That made me feel special. That made me feel loved. That made me feel that I need to do something about this rut that I have put myself into and get myself out of the hole that I was in. It made me feel empowered. It made me feel brand new.
Jesus loved me so much that He breathed a new life into me and I need to pick up whatever I have right now and change myself within these 52 days. I know it will not be easy but it would be a journey that I am willing to take for the Lord and for myself.
Weight: 139 Lbs Goal: At 125 or less
Creative: wrote several blog posts and will brainstorm for the novel tonight.
Prayer: completed SOLO Day 15. Read the Bible and prayed with my officemates/shared the word with them.