I should have just kept my big mouth shut. When I told my mother that I just simply didn’t feel like joining my cousins for their yearly drinking session, that didn’t mean that I didn’t like them or didn’t want to join them FOREVER. I simply, at that moment in time, didn’t feel like joining them. It launched a whole discussion about making memories, and the “bonding” and to make matters worse, I was judged because I didn’t join them.
So what if I am different from others? So what if I prefer reading to watching silly movies with them? So what if my choice in music, hobby or likes contrasts or is different from them? It doesn’t make me a bad person or a bitter person. It hurts whenever people tell me that I am ANTISOCIAL or BITTER or that I haven’t fully Surrendered it all just because I don’t feel like being in a NOISY crowd at the moment. I didn’t steal, kill their joy or ruin their fun. I simply withdrew from it so I wouldn’t- isn’t that kinder than being the KILLJOY in the crowd?
I’m pissed off. I am so pissed off that I want to tell her off. BUT, it’s my mother. I respect her. I love her with all my heart. She’s a blessing. BUT, really there are times she could get to me. She’s got a loud and pushy personality -which is alright with me up until the point where she’s pushing her nose up into my personal space. That’s when I get touchy, irritable and angry. And when she basically told me that I was WRONG in not going to the DRINKING party that night, and I was making excuses. It really tore my temper into shreds.
She insisted that I lost the chance to make memories with them. No, I didn’t. That’s NOT the only way for me to make memories with them. GEESH. So I am NOT A PARTY ANIMAL or a SOCIAL BUTTERFLY like my sister, big deal. I hate it when I am being forced into social situations that I don’t really care about. I hate it when she judges me because I like my independent hobbies. I mean, I can’t exactly talk to my cousins about what I am writing about- they don’t care about it. They don’t care (and they mock me) for my Japanese Culture love. We barely have things in common. I have no interest in idiotic jokes, drinking, sports, or the current movies. So sue me!
I have not done them wrong. WHY JUDGE ME FOR IT? Why scorn me for liking the things I like? I don’t judge them for the things they like but, why me?
… Tell me, what’s wrong with being me?