Today, while I did my devotional, God scolded me a little. I opened my Bible and it said:
5 But now it has come to you, and you are impatient;
it touches you, and you are dismayed.
6 Is not your fear of God your confidence,
and the integrity of your ways your hope?
Yes, I have been impatient and I fail to see the things that he has blessed with me. I become disappointed with what he has sent me. He gave me friends and I expected too much. He gave me a wonderful boyfriend and I kept on criticizing. Why am I dismayed by His gifts to me? Why am I expecting too much?
The Lord is teaching me that He should be the source of my strength. That I should keep on going because He will give me the confidence to do so. If I have not done anything that is shameful to God, why am I so afraid to express myself?
It is because I expect things to be instant. I am impatient after the long wait. I feel like I am like those people in the dessert who was given manna from heaven and failed to appreciate it. I am ashamed to say that I was demanding of our God.
But, because of this, I understood what I was lacking in my life. I lacked the courage and the faith to love what God has given me. He gave me the gift of Writing to express myself. He gave me friends – or a good friend to keep me going. He gave me N to love.
It has been my fault that I felt lonely. If only I believed in them a little more and not doubted that they are still there for me, then I would be happier. But I am impatient. It is hard not to be after the trials that is in my path. Maybe He is teaching me to wait – just a little bit more. He tells me that Impatient faith is never a good thing.