I guess there are still a few issues I have to work out within me. Wait, scratch a few, a lot. I am still a long way from being that proper person I imagined to be. I’m still so impatient, I’m still a spoiled brat and I am still tactless to a fault. I demand too many things from people, I expect too much. I get disappointed just as much. I get frustrated by myself. I lose focus, drive and desire too easily. In reality, I feel like a dizzy 10 year old with ADHD sometimes. I am spoiled. I am disoriented and I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m so immature.
Yesterday, I was lecturing my boyfriend on how small his world is and that he needs to venture out of his comfort zone. But in reality, I was the one living in a bubble and he was the one who was perfectly alright. I thought everything was peachy keen, but it’s not. In fact, it’s far from it. I really haven’t proven anything to myself. I need to start getting my act together because I am not getting any younger.
How do I get there? How do I make myself proud of being me? I’m so blinded by the lie that I am so great , that I don’t see my loser self. The self-delusion I created to shield myself from hurt, makes me feel like the blindfolds have just been taken away from me and that I am seeing myself n a whole new light.
I see myself who is fat, lazy, and idiotic who has nothing achieved and I know I have to change it. I feel that I have so much to work on and I feel that I want to do it now. So starting tomorrow, it’s back to the diet and exercise. I have to finish things I started. I have to work on writing, JLPTs, Real estate and all of the things that I need to do. I have to be more productive starting from now. So here’s a list of things I have to do before the year ends:
Close at least 2 Real Estate Deals
Take Japanese Classes and try to take the DECEMBER JLPTS
Lose at least 15 lbs.
Tame my Poison Tongue
Succeed at NaNoWriMo
Tackle the Dragon- and post it all
I want to grow. I want to be a better person. There are still a lot of things that I need to accomplish. I have to start now.There’s still half of 2011. I think… if I do try really hard, I can make it. Procrastination, GO AWAY. Thanks N. Thanks for making me realize all this.