Posted in because i'm a girl, deep thoughts, family, geekery

Acting MY Age.

bw When I was younger, I used to draw and learn  COMIC ART.  Instead of being a girl who loved Seventeen and Teen Cosmo! ( which, I do like) I obsessed myself in animation, manga, EGM and Image Comics. Most people would say that it was just a phase, we all go through that tomboy phase and some outgrow it – others simply don’t.

I am part of the others that don’t. Over the years, I grew more and more in love with Anime and Manga. I obsessed myself with characters, fell in love with story lines and even cosplayed and created fiction of the stories. In this day and age, that’s quite ordinary. But to the people in my family or my community, this was a big NO-NO.

So, I switched over to Johnny’s Entertainment. Real people, real idols. But they still thought I was immature.

When I created characters, when I wrote – it was all rubbish.
When I drew – it was the work of the devil.
When I cosplayed – I have gone officially crazy and needed a shrink.
Whatever I do, to them… it’s a big waste of time and effort and I shouldn’t do it anymore.

GROW UP. You’re 31. You should act your age.

I was devastated.  The people who I wanted support from didn’t want me to do anything like what I am doing. So, I shifted my attentions to more “normal” pursuits. I gave up writing. I gave up anime and the JE fandom. I gave up everything but my soul.

I tried to follow them and I went crazy. I tried to write original stories but I always reverted back to characters I have created before. I tried to forget that I loved the colorful world of Anime and Manga. I tried to be like my cousins and my sister. I tried to deny myself the things I liked to please them. But I grew deeper into depression.

Then I realized that I am doing nothing wrong with what I like. I am not killing anyone (except fictional characters) I am not hurting anyone, not stealing and I am not doing anything detrimental when I write. I only improve my skill, get my mind working and at least being productive.

It’s better than PS3. It’s better than lying down and doing nothing but watch TV. I am creating something. I have been torturing myself because I am not like everyone. Then I realized that what I am doing is better than what they are doing and since I am not hurting anyone or denying anyone anything, I should just do what I want and stay sane rather than lose myself and become their drone.

After all, this is my life. I should do what makes ME happy as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. I can still be ME. Even though it hurts that they never liked me for me.

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Author:

A 30 something fangirl, writer, artist and dreamer, a princess by day and ninja by night who believes in magic, true love and wants to change the world one brush stroke at a time. Marikit is a self-taught artist learning more about art and the world around her.

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