Posted in idiosyncrasies

[Word 100 Challenge]009. Tsuyogaru

67148 Tsuyogaru – to pretend to be strong. It is a Japanese word that refers to people who pretend that they are able to do things, that pretend to be strong when they are in the midst of hardship. They smile, pretend to be able to do everything and that everything is ok when it is not.

あいつはつよがるよね。
aitsu ha tsuyogaru yo ne.
That guy is pretending to be tough, huh?

Atashi tsuyogaru. (I am pretending to be tough.)

The truth is I am. I pretend that everything is ok. But truth is, I am weak too.

Everyone comes to me for advice and I have what they need, but me… I feel useless most days. I do for everyone, but myself… I mean to, but I just never get around to really doing it!  I cry all the time… not where everyone sees me… I cry in the shower… in my room late at night… I cry about anything and everything.

I guess what everyone needs to realize is that I am also human. I am not superhuman and that I am just a girl who could burn out. I may put out a strong face, but in truth, I could need more than a smile, more than a laugh, more than a simple talking to.  The more I pretend, the more I need.

Maybe I need you. Maybe I need a hug. Maybe I need to cry. Maybe the more I tell you that I am okay, the more you should listen. Maybe, I want you to listen and know more.  Maybe I need someone to tell me that I am not strong and that I am not okay…

Hontou wa jishin nante nai shi
Nasakenai hodo yowamushi
Nakisou na kurai mata kyou ga tsurai
Tsukuriwarai no shita de I cry…
Hoka no dareka wo sukueru hodo
Kakko yoku nante nai kedo
Sekai ni tatta hitori no jibun dakara

The truth is, I have no confidence
And I’m such a wimp it’s pathetic
Another day so hard that I feel like crying
Underneath my fake smile, I cry…
I’m not cool enough
To save somebody else
But there’s only one of me in the world

Safarii

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Author:

A 30 something fangirl, writer, artist and dreamer, a princess by day and ninja by night who believes in magic, true love and wants to change the world one brush stroke at a time. Marikit is a self-taught artist learning more about art and the world around her.

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