Posted in <3

Things that I didn’t say…

Yesterday was Luci’s day. It was his 29th wonderful year on this planet and I tried my hardest to make it special for him, since it is the first really big occasion we are going to celebrate together as a couple. I did a lot for him – went to extra miles to get everything ready for his special day and yet, I really felt that it wasn’t enough.

These are the things I did for him:
  • I gave him a surprise early Birthday party last March 13, 2010 wherein his very best friends came and I met them for the first time.
  • I gave him postcards and tried to have a wax seal made for him (still under process)
  • Gave him a birthday card.
  • Made him Gir (dog and bot versions) in crochet.
  • We went to Ocean Park yesterday and I spent the WHOLE day with him. =)
It seems a little compared to the way I feel that it should be celebrated. I know, I know some of you think that it’s enough. Maybe some would say that I have gone far and beyond expectation of what girlfriends should be doing. But I feel quite the opposite. I want to do soooo much more, but lack of funds, lack of time and lack of freedom would hinder me from doing so. Maybe I should be content on what I have done and hope that he loved and enjoyed them.
Yesterday, we went to Ocean Park. It was fun. We ate at Makansutra (Asian Food Village) and pigged out (literally) on Pad Thai, Satay and the like. Then we looked at fish in the park and had fun just being like children and relaxing. It wasn’t really the place that we’re at that mattered. It was the company. Honestly, we could be in Luneta walking around and it would still rock, just the same. He’s easy company. I have fun when I am with him. He cracks me up with his jokes, makes me feel beautiful and wanted. He makes me feel like I don’t have to try to be someone else around him. He loves me for ME. And NO ONE, as in NO OTHER GUY has done that for me. PERIOD.
He loves me for who I am, for simply being me. He loves me completely. He lets me fly and tells me what a wonderful person I am. He gave me my wings back. And that ‘s what I love about him.

I could go on and on about him, but I am going to completely miss the purpose of this blog if I do. I will leave that for another entry and get back to my story.
While looking at fish yesterday, I stared up at him and he looked down at me and asked. “Whyyy??” He usually does that anyway, when I just simply looked at him. Normally, I would banter, but yesterday, I couldn’t. I looked away and smiled. I said it was nothing. He insisted it was something. I left it at that. There were things I could not say at the moment, because I fear that I would cry that moment.
But what I really wanted to say was this:
Love, I want to thank you. Just for being with me, for accepting me for who and what I am completely – No IFs nor buts. Thank you for wanting to dream with me, allowing me to fly, allowing me to rant and listening to me. Thank you for being that person who would slap me in the face if I was being stupid – it shows how much you love me because you don’t want me to fall into harm. Thank you for making plans with me- for showing me honest, true and complete love that you are not afraid to show to ANYONE.

Thank you for being you. For being cynical, logical, very non-magnanimous, because of you I learn that I should never be too emotional. Love, thank you so much for believing in me when no one has done so. You have given me the boost that I needed for so long. You never made me feel insecure about myself. You made me happy to work, you challenged me and made me feel very alive.

Thank you for being honest with me. For being straight up with your feelings. Thank you also for just being there. I love having someone to communicate my everything to. You are now my closest friend, my confidante, my heart and my partner.

In this stage of our relationship, where we are still getting to know each other and making sure that things are going to the right path. Allow me to apologize in advance for any stupidity, tactlessness, insensitivity or any other random hurts that I may give you. Please know that I love you and have never loved anyone this complete and honest as you.

I am scared of what I am feeling for you. Because I could be so candid with you and helpless. I have fallen completely in love with you. I have known you for so long that I am comfortable with you. I always thought back to the 4C days when you were beside me. Being seatmates with you was so comfortable that I never changed seats kahit nung magkakatabi na sila Cams, Ella at Czari. I guess, I knew back then that you were just right for me. I just didnt know the full breadth of it at that time.

I hope you know that I am doing a lot of FIRSTS with you. This is the first time I actually took all the effort to introduce my beau to my family – with timing and with being proud of you. I want them to talk to you and see what a wonderful person you are. This is the first time that my mom dressed me for dates and that I really prepare for them. It’s the first time I completely let go, let loose and be myself with ANYONE. I am truly being ILOU with you. This is me without the pretensions. This is me – whether you like me or not.

I am so happy with you. I know I want to do everything right with you. I want that future with you. I want you to be my future. I want us to happen. You are my second chance, the answer to my prayers and the person who I want to grow old with. Sana, ikaw na nga yun.

Sappy? Just a little bit. But this is it. This is what I truly feel about him.
I guess… I’m in it for good. I can’t wait to see him tommorow.
Oh btw .. the rest of the day with him can be found comic style HERE
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Author:

A 30 something fangirl, writer, artist and dreamer, a princess by day and ninja by night who believes in magic, true love and wants to change the world one brush stroke at a time. Marikit is a self-taught artist learning more about art and the world around her.

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