I say this everyday. “MAGDIDIET NA TALAGA AKO! DI NA AKO MAGKASYA SA UNIFORM KO!” Everyday, I recite the mantra. “I will go on a diet today. I will lose serious weight.” over and over and over. I groan each time I see look in the mirror. I cry whenever I cant fit into my favorite clothes. I sigh everytime I shop and see that I have to buy a size bigger – I get frustrated, mad, angry, depressed, sad and annoyed.
I know what I must do. I understand the need for me to lose weight. I understand that I must discipline myself to do it. BUT WHY IS IT SO DAMN HARD?
I mean, I’m not that big. My friends tell me that I’m just right. I’m not that big, that I look fine. But I am not happy with myself, I feel lousy. I just feel big. So it’s really something that I need to do.
Last year, I succeeded to lose at least 15 lbs. I lost 5 inches off my waist. My goal now is to maintain this and lose at least one or two more. How did I do that last year? EFFORT, Serious discipline and effort – and the fact that I got really really really sick after practically starving myself for at least three months.
I told myself, I could do it back then, why not now? Maybe last year, I was pressured to. I was really really chubby back then and I really felt bad. Maybe last year, I had more focus to do it, but now… Well, now, Im stressed out (I tend to binge eat and want my endorphins, i.e. CHOCOLATE) I tend to be more tired and hungry – because of more work. I just tend to feel that whenever I need the energy, I eat. I JUST EAT.
Plus add to that the following factors that make me NOT lose weight:
- This office has a constant, abundant and very free flowing supply of food and CHOCOLATES in the office coming from seafarers coming in from different ports almost daily.
- Seafarers often treat us to big lunches in yummy restaurants.
- Stress. You get stressed you eat.
- Boredom. You get bored you eat.
- Recently, the messman cooks awesome food. So I eat.
I guess It’s ME who needs to discipline herself. I guess that I need to keep myself reasonably fit. Sleep early, TRY to exercise, and keep myself from binge eating. I should eat more fruits, keep myself disciplined in eating the right amount of food.