I feel a little lonely today. I guess I should have gone to the Reunion after all. I have this end of the year blues going on. Though I pampered myself the whole day, I talked to special people. But I feel like I bummed the whole day.
Ok, I didn’t … I made the Kawaii Wakai site and Chris” multiply. But you know what I mean… I felt like I bummed around on Rizal Day. Haha. But i guess I deserved the rest. ( Sure, make excuses blah). I just felt like shit the whole day. I felt like I was just doing nothing with my time and I searched desperately for things to do.
Curses! I hate this feeling I have. No matter what I do it just wont shake off. I feel like crying. I feel like just going under covers and sleeping. I feel bipolar. I feel schizo right now. I guess it’s a bad case of New Year Blues. I guess its because change is coming and its coming fast.
I am afraid for the coming year. There are so many challenges that would be coming my way. Seminars, Audits, expectations, partings and reunions. so many things to be afraid of. Part of me wants my life to stay this way. Part of me is excited for the changes… Part of me just wants to run away … its scary.
I am also sad because of the fact that I feel unaccomplished. And that i am still not stable at my age. I planned to have a family at 28. Now, I am still searching. I am still without a family. JM has one. Mark has one. Heck most of my friends and cousins have one. I have baby envy. But that doesnt mean I will go make them now. I want a real family, to love, to hold, to cherish.
What the fuck am I saying anyway? I am depressing myself. I did well this year, right? I should think positive and be better for the coming year.
but damn, i still feel crappy…