We have our High School Reunion tonight. X marks the Spot. For sometime, I was aching to go. I was ready to go and meet up with old friends and just chill. But then, now, I am a bit — well… notkeen to go. I realized that most of the friends that I want to be there won’t be able to go. Then, my best friend and I planned to meet for lunch on Jan 2nd instead. It’s too late at night, I may NOT enjoy it because its full of A-listers I do not really talk to and what more, I feel that I may just make a fool out of myself. Just like High School…
I guess I am making excuses for everything. The bottomline is that I am afraid of High School Reunions. I feel that people expected too much of me and I am afraid that people would just scoff and laugh at me or talk behind my back about what happened to me in the last decade. There are some things I prefer to just forget and not mention anymore. I am afraid I am just going to be a wallflower again because I really am not close to the people there.
I did some stupid things in High School that I dont want to be talked about again. I know that I should have been closer to some friends, but am not. I was crazy back then… not that I am not now, but I was more naive, more daring, more stupid. ( I mean, seriously, I had a combat knife under my skirt in High School) who wouldnt be scared? I was closer to the artist guys than girls. I had my share of cutting classes, insane trips…. It was fun. But It wasn’t the type of things that you want to talk about in your high school reunion with those people.
The people attending are the A-Listers. THe Cheerleaders, the Jocks, the Super Smart Bookies, Party People blah blah blah… I am none of those. My best friend said “We’re on a different list” I agree. Me, JM, Mark, Alain, Mark Chua and the others are on a different list. I really want to see those guys again.
Then again, we have different lives now — JM has a kid, Mark too, Mark Chua is engaged… and I’m floating around. It’s so different. We were just once Xronus 13 – comic book collecting, drawing, magic the gathering playing folk who hung out at the CSA Theater and chase each other with rulers and eat pizza or siomai. Life is so different now especially since JM and I parted ways in college. Back then it was bonding about Boyfriends and Girlfriends, drinking in San Mig and Pep’s and just chilling. Now, its all talk about career, kids, the next move and marraige (*shudders*)…
What can I tell them after all these years? What can I be proud of? Could I stand tall and show them myself?
I used to avoid meeting them before because I did not have the confidence too. I was depressed, overweight ( I was sexy in High School), I felt ugly and unaccomplished after that ugly thing with Albert. But lately, I regained my confidence I got over my depression. I stopped crying and I felt beautiful again. I felt smart again. I felt like I can face my friends again.
I still am undecided if I am going to the reunion tonight, but I am sure about January 2. I am psyched! I wish I see more than JM. I wish I meet up with Kuya, Alain and the others too! Go go go!