It’s cold out. I don’t want to go out in the cold. I hate the cold, the trees are all bare, except for evergreens and pine trees, but they are covered in white snow, and the wind is bitter. It nips through me. It seems so gloomy outside, or maybe, it is just me. I hate winter.
The longer nights and shorter days give me no motivation to work. I am sick, cold, and most of all, LONELY. Yeah, this is going to be a great Holiday Season.
This is my first Christmas alone, without a big family surrounding me. This year it’s going to be me and Oneesan. Maybe Andrew, if he shows up. He has his own family to be with – I do not expect him to be here. This is going to be the loneliest Christmas ever.
I miss the big Christmases in the Philippines. Where we load our car with presents, dress up and talk to cousins and aunts and tell stories. At 12 everyone distributes presents and start eating Noche Buena, then games start dancing — oh the noise and the kids running around. The good food, the calandracas my Lola makes, hot chocolate, Suman, puto bumbong, and the Roast beef! Oh! That’s Christmas.
I miss most especially hugging my parents and telling them I love them this season. I miss the surprised look of my brother and sister when they open their presents. I miss the funny gifts my friends give me. I miss Christmas Parties, gimmicks and Christmas shopping with my sister. We always had so much fun then.
I miss caroling. I miss Simbang Gabi.I miss walking around Christmas bazaars. I miss the decorations Mom puts up and the laughter over the meals. I miss getting random Christmas calls from friends. I miss it. Badly.
At least, last year, I had Al’s family… This year…
God save me from the sadness. I wish that somehow, I could celebrate Christmas at home again…