Posted in cheverloo

Who the fuck am I kidding?

Of course I’m depressed. It was supposed to be our 3rd year anniversary in 2 days. The fucker broke my heart in 2 just about 4 months ago. Though, I grew and I DID get over the fact that I got dumped, I am still hurting. I am mad, angry, sad, and heartbroken. I dont want him back I just want him to apologize. That is all I want him to do then maybe I will have closure. I think that I feel too emotionally fucked up right now  that I do not think I can handle anything in a relationship. I will only hurt the next guy I date.

So I finally made a decision. I’m not going to date. Not for a long while.  No one deserves to be hurt as much as I am hurting right now, and as much as it did before. That was horrible. If I didn’t have the mental tenacity and if i did not go through what i did before. I would have gone totally batshit insane. Maybe that’s why I’ve been drinking so much lately.

No, I am not a raging alchoholic. I am just drinking my problems away. Laughing all my worries away. It’s this way, I think.  I am busy, I have my own place and I have a lot to do. I feel so unaccomplished right now – but I know that it will all pass .. i just hope this feeling goes away soon because I hate it.

I think I should go for a walk. I need to go to the bank anyway.

I’ll see ya later.

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Author:

A 30 something fangirl, writer, artist and dreamer, a princess by day and ninja by night who believes in magic, true love and wants to change the world one brush stroke at a time. Marikit is a self-taught artist learning more about art and the world around her.

16 thoughts on “Who the fuck am I kidding?

  1. It’s okay to hurt. Problems and worries will always be there no matter what you do or who you are. What makes each of us different is how we choose to handle them.
    Walking is good, I just walked to get food, I am soooo tired now.
    But anyway, I know you’ve got many people waiting in the wings to help you with any problems and worries you may have, you just have to reach out and we’ll be there. (Cue old James Taylor song)

  2. It’s okay to hurt. Problems and worries will always be there no matter what you do or who you are. What makes each of us different is how we choose to handle them.
    Walking is good, I just walked to get food, I am soooo tired now.
    But anyway, I know you’ve got many people waiting in the wings to help you with any problems and worries you may have, you just have to reach out and we’ll be there. (Cue old James Taylor song)

  3. I don’t think you should need to drink your problems away, when you have people that will be there for you. Don’t depend on alcohol to take your pain, cause it won’t, it will only make the pain worse.
    My mother is an alcoholic, and she was near death in the hospital because of the damn shit a few years back and I won’t drink because I have seen what it does to your liver.
    I’m sorry. It’s a touchy subject for me. *hug* I want you to be happy, and well.
    Life will be difficult, but I know you can handle it.

  4. I don’t think you should need to drink your problems away, when you have people that will be there for you. Don’t depend on alcohol to take your pain, cause it won’t, it will only make the pain worse.
    My mother is an alcoholic, and she was near death in the hospital because of the damn shit a few years back and I won’t drink because I have seen what it does to your liver.
    I’m sorry. It’s a touchy subject for me. *hug* I want you to be happy, and well.
    Life will be difficult, but I know you can handle it.

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